The Heusens

I have been told that I attract crazy people into my life. And I agree, I do have many crazy stories about crazy interactions with crazy people. But I swear, like 90% is circumstantial. (And most of the crazies are in my family anyway. For example, did your grandmother recently self-publish a book like this one? Mine ACTUALLY did.)

Anyway, living in Indiana does not mean no crazies. Today, while staying home sick and attempting to write write write, the cleaning lady showed up at the house. I thought she'd forgotten to come because she arrived so late (otherwise I would've gone in to work). I'd heard she was chatty (my colleague mentioned that she feels forced to engage this woman in a one-hour chat session every time she cleans).

Man, was I in for it. Contrary to what you might think, I actually did not want to engage this woman in conversation. Because I downloaded Cool Timer (per Daphna's suggestion) and was trying to time myself to do six hours of writing today.

I didn't have a choice. I talked to this woman (or rather, she talked at me) for two hours. I had no means of escape. Kris had the car, and because we now live in a subdivision, I couldn't, for example, just walk to the nearest Starbucks. I was stuck. Not only that: she followed me from room to room and kept initiating conversation. And this is in spite of me telling her "I have a lot of work to do" and "I'm really sick". She would at points grab my arm when I tried to disengage and say, "Listen! Listen!"

This woman is very nice, and also insane (and is also missing one of her incisors!). Here are highlights from our conversation, which was basically like a stream-of-consciousness rant for two hours with an insane number of casual asides:

1. "My stepdad was just awful, like he killed my little brother and didn't ever go to jail for it." Uhhh...come again? The thing is, she mentioned this as casually as you might mention that you ate hamburgers last night for dinner. And then just kept talking, never referring to it again.
2. She also referred more than once to this one awful thing she did in her past that "makes her feel sick to her stomach."
3. She also told me that the Klan (yes, THAT Klan) is alive and well in Indiana (this is actually true and I've heard it before from people). And that she hates prejudice, but god "laid his hand on her" and "cautioned her against being prejudiced toward the Klan."
4. And then went on a long rant about how the Klan believes that whites are superior because they are descended from Abel, while god put a dark mark on Cain, who was the ancestor of non-whites...or something...and then told me (as if she was all enlightened) "but these Klansmen don't even think about the fact that Cain and Abel were probably black, so the mark coulda been WHITE!" I was like, "Or, maybe not every single person in the world is descended from Cain and Abel, who maybe didn't exist, and also: maybe there is no such thing as this mark."
5. Also how her husband shot a deer but didn't totally kill it so she cradled it in her arms as it was dying and started crying when it went into convulsions...and how she had to sing to herself so she didn't hear her husband clubbing it to death.
6. Also how every woman in her family has been cursed with having their first born son die, except for her...because she "spoke the word of god into truth" that it would not happen to her...then changed her name from Susanna to Levi...so then even though her son was born 2 1/2 months early...with severe medical issues...he didn't die.

All this is to say that, well, today wasn't as productive as we'd hoped.

It started out well. Daphna and I worked steadily until noon, at which point I'd completed three hours of writing.

I only had a minor backslide, when I IM'd Daphna and asked:
Is it gross to eat an entire log of goat cheese in one sitting?

I felt better when I read Daphna's response:
Answer: Goat cheese is from the heavens.

I also experimented with gum, and sadly, it wasn't that helpful.

Then Levi showed up...and Daphna disappeared. Like, I couldn't find her at all online. And it killed my motivation to not have a check-in person.

I got this cryptic message later:
yo.

Posted by Ashlyn on Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 7:30 PM | Permalink