The Heusens

I'm now obsessed with taking personality tests. I'm hoping to find one that makes me look better than the "Red" person I found myself to be.

So I took the "What Famous Leader are You?" quiz. This is who I would be:




All right! I can get on board with this. Yes, he is self-absorbed and also probably a Red. But...I miss Bill! Don't you?

But then I took the "What Classic Movie are You?" quiz. This is what I would be:



Again...not very flattering. Even the poster is Red. And the main actress looks like Ronald McDonald.

Posted by Ashlyn at 6:09 PM | Permalink | Comments

Today I would like to talk to you about something very serious facing the nation...and yes, indeed...the world.

The thing I would like to talk to you about is: Robots. Specifically, Robots who do not respect personal boundaries. Robots who invade your life with inappropriate words and actions. They must be stopped.

This growing phenomenon appears to affect people of all ages. Just last night I found a robot picking Saya's nose. The nerve!


At Kris' work, robots poke needles through people's rectums. And into their prostates. Granted, it's to cure cancer. But still.

And this morning a robot asked me whether I ever get a "not so fresh feeling." I mean, really.

The robots...they must be stopped.

Posted by Ashlyn at 11:59 AM | Permalink | Comments

Dear Dude on a Bike,

Today you annoyed me. I was driving to work, and you were biking next to me on El Camino. I could just tell that you were a Smug Bicycler. You with your stocky little calves, pumping away. Like "Hey! I am awesome. I don't drive because I am an Environmentalist. And look! I am practically beating all you cars anyway."

I could tell you were smug because you were cocky enough to not stay all the way to the right. You thought you were going fast enough to play with the Big Girls (like me) in car traffic. Well you were not. You were only going fast enough for me to not be able to pass you.

I was annoyed until I looked at your face. Oh my goodness! Dwight Schrute on a bicycle! And then I thought about how you sobbed all night at your beet farm, pining after Angela. And my anger melted into deep compassion.

Love,
Ashlyn

As you can see from the above letter, I clearly have an issue with correctly recognizing people's faces. At this point in my life, I've lived too many places and met too many people. So things get confusing! A lot of times I am guilty of committing the social equivalent of what we call Type I and Type II errors in statistics.

Assume the Null (Ho) Hypothesis is: I don't know who you are
The Alternative (Ha) Hypothesis is: I know who you are

Type I error: Assuming Ho when Ha is true
I don't usually commit this error. But I did the other day, and I'm embarrassed by it. I had Saya with me on campus. It was hot and I just bought my lunch and I was in a hurry and my arms were full and I was pushing a stroller. Just as I was about to sit down at the last available table, this other woman sat down first. I gave her my best guilt-inducing "How could you?" look.

Then she turns to me and says, "Hi! Oh! You finally had your baby! She's gorgeous!"

I realize belatedly that this woman is a distant acquaintance from the School of Education. Whoops. I try to nonchalantly pretend that I didn't make that face at her. By converting my scowl (as subtly as possible) into something resembling a squinting-in-the-sunlight face. I managed some awkward, friendly conversation, all while maintaining this face. Just so she would be deluded into thinking that my original "I Hate You" scowl was actually just a friendly way of saying "Wow, it's bright out here!"

Type II error: Assuming Ha when Ho is true
Unfortunately, I do this A LOT (unfortunate, considering that stats folks consider Type II errors to be more egregious than Type I errors...better to set a guilty man free than to imprison an innocent one, blah, blah, blah). I used to think I committed these errors because I didn't wear my contacts when I was supposed to. But now I think I just have terrible facial recognition skills.

Not once, but TWICE this week, I waved hello to people on campus. Who then gave me friendly, puzzled looks. Because we did not know each other from Adam.

Also: A few months ago, I TOTALLY saw Bruce Willis standing in line to get into a restaurant in SF. I forced Kris to circle the block in our car to get a look at....what turned out to just be a random bald guy.

And today, I saw Dwight Schrute on a bicycle (see that? I brought the story full circle, boys and girls).

The moral of this story is: Committing Type I and Type II errors in social situations are costly and awkward.

And, for you stats geeks out there: My alpha is as high as Amy Winehouse.

Posted by Ashlyn at 1:57 AM | Permalink | Comments

I was reading the CJane archives and came across this post about this color-based personality test. In her post, CJane's friends are talking about how undesirable Red personalities are (by the way, CJane is a Red):

"Now, to be sure, there aren't any REDS at this table are there?"
Kinda like,
"Now, to be sure, there aren't any EUNUCHS at this table are there?"

So of course I am intrigued. And...lo and behold. I take the test....and I am a Red. Check out the totally unflattering (and surprisingly accurate) description:

Reds (Motive: Power)

reds are motivated by Power. They seek productivity and need to look good to others. Simply stated, reds want their own way. They like to be in the driver's seat and willingly pay the price to be in a leadership role. reds value whatever gets them ahead in life, whether it be in their careers, school endeavors, or personal life. What reds value, they get done. They are often workaholics. They will, however, resist doing anything that doesn't interest them.

reds like to be right. They value approval from others for their intelligence and practical approach to life, and want to be respected for it. reds are confident, proactive, and visionary; and but can also be arrogant, selfish, and insensitive. When you deal with a RED, be precise, factual, direct, AND show no fear!

Ashlyn, your personality profile indicates that you have significant portions of other colors in your overall makeup that help shape your unique personality style.

Upgrade now to receive a 20+ page Comprehensive Analysis of your profile results.

So. The Upgrade costs $39.95. And I am oh so very tempted. Now that I am learning that I ---ugh---fundamentally dislike the description of what is, apparently, my fundamentally Red personality, I'm feeling waves of insecurity and fantasizing that the unflattering description is part sales ploy...first they make you feel insecure and totally unlikeable, so you feel like you need to understand what else is wrong with you. Then you buy the Upgrade, and maybe the message says something like this:

Surprise! Even though you still suck, you don't suck as bad as we made you think.

I'm sure this fantasy characterization of the situation is also very Red of me. Sigh. So CJane and I can be outcasts together.

What color are you?

P.S. I just know Maryn is reading this and thinking "Yup! Pretty freaking accurate description of my sista!" Which is also mortifying. Because she knows me too well.

Also probably my husband and my friends are thinking that as well.

Update: I just made Kris take the test. And guess what? He's a Red too! Awwww.....but he's only 34% Red. I am 44.5% Red.

Posted by Ashlyn at 11:39 PM | Permalink | Comments

Our dear friends Erin and Dave are actual grownups. They recently purchased a fabulous condo in the heart of downtown Denver. I was reading their blog and came across these amazing pictures of their new place (sorry for bogarting these pics, guys, but the world needs to know about your fabulosity):


Um...hello? Fabulous? I love the open bookcase, the sleek wooden floors, and the stylish ottoman. Also: do you see a House Plant in the background there? Yes, this is another sign that Erin and Dave are Real Grownups.


The double-sided chaise is killing me. I WANT IT NOW! And I love the lamp and the graphic rug. So clean and uncluttered.


And are you dying looking at their kitchen? It's modern without being sterile. I love, love, love the copper hood. And how the countertops wrap around the kitchen but leave it as an open space...perfect for entertaining! And the red chairs are such a stylish, whimsical touch.

Their place is so modern and clean, I love it! And there is a definite chic European sensibility to the design (courtesy of their recent life abroad in Berlin).

They should totally submit these pictures to Apartment Therapy or Decor8. They deserve the credit...and it would make the readers so happy!

Posted by Ashlyn at 1:54 AM | Permalink | Comments

Kris and I are testing recipes from Food & Wine magazine's October 2008 issue.

In the last week, we've made these recipes:

1. Eggplant Parmesan: Smells heavenly, but we were kinda grossed out by the fact that the
fried eggplant absorbed a full TWO CUPS of olive oil. It's good but I don't think we'll make it again.

2. Lemon-Glazed Mini Pound Cakes: Good, but they don't keep well. The lemon glaze is really nice, but the pound cake is a bit dry. The cakes tasted a lot more dry the second day. If I'm craving a tart lemon dessert, I'd rather have a lemon tart.

We decided that these two recipes are decent, but not worth repeating. We wondered whether we should trust Food & Wine's recipes any more. And then we made:

3. Baked Orecchiette with Pork Sugo: Oh. My. Goodness. Forkfuls of ecstasy. Food & Wine's
reputation was rescued. The recipe takes FOREVER AND A DAY because you're braising
crispy bits of pork. But let me tell you. It is amazing. Perfect for a Sunday night meal...and the recipe makes a significant amount of food. Kris and I will happily eat this meal for three
consecutive dinners. We hope you will try it!


One note: If you choose to make the Pork Sugo, cooking the pork until golden brown will take longer than the recipe states. You will need to cook the pork and veggies under very high heat (rather than the medium-high heat called for in the recipe) to ensure the liquid burns off. That way, you get a nice crispy pork exterior.

Later this week we'll try the Lamb Tagine...I hope it's good!

Posted by Ashlyn at 7:52 PM | Permalink | Comments

One of my most embarrassing moments ever happened TODAY. I was running around on campus. First to the optimization class I'm auditing, then to three back-to-back meetings.

What this means is that I did not breastfeed or pump for five hours.

My last meeting dragged on and on. Halfway through I notice the man I'm meeting with is becoming distracted. I look down...and, to my horror, my right boob is leaking milk. It has leaked completely through the nipple shields, through my bra, through my tank top, and through my double-lined vest. The entire right front of my outfit is completely darkened with a growing, wet stain.

I am horrified. This has never happened to me before. And I never thought that the nipple shields wouldn't, well....shield.

I am doubly horrified because it happened in front of this particular man. In front of most of my colleagues, it would have become a running joke, or something that would immediately be laughed about. In front of the man who, upon learning that I was pregnant, told me that "academia would write me off" once I had the baby, it was completely, utterly horrifying. If I had to rank-order my preferences, he would be dead last on my list of people I work with whom I would want to witness this.

I think I may have said "Oh my god!" when I noticed the stain. Followed by his awkward response: "Uhhh...yeah. Why don't you go take care of that." Followed by my walking to the car with my purse covering my boobs, and arriving home like this:


Later, I napped with someone who does have an appreciation for leaky boobies:

Posted by Ashlyn at 11:42 PM | Permalink | Comments