Dating Life
Those of you who know me well know that there is one thing that never fails to perk me up: MATCHMAKING. It is a true passion for me. Contrary to (very) popular belief, I do not set people up for my own amusement. I carefully think about what each person is looking for in another person before venturing on one of my matchmaking "experiments." All I ask in return is for a careful accounting of every detail of what transpired on the dates. Just kidding! Kinda.
As a serial monogamist (N=2), I have never been a member of the "dating scene". Which is why I take particular pleasure in the dating lives of others. I live vicariously. I'm like the kid who grows up in a sugar-free house and has an unhealthy obsession with candy stores.
My consultancy services (solicited or unsolicited) are always available for people needing help with their Match or e-Harmony profiles, or for setting up random people I know. My successes include (1) Maryn and Brian, (2) a few random drunken hookups (you know who you are), and (3) helping Miguel with his Match profile, which resulted in his current relationship. Go me! (I won't mention my "failures" here...I prefer to emphasize the positive!)
I am fascinated by Match. It's so crazy how you have to set up a profile of yourself to market to the opposite sex. Talk about intimidating! The pressure to be appealing...yet come across as yourself. For me, these are basically mutually exclusive categories. If I had to set up a profile of myself, I think I would try to sound low-maintenance. HAH! Profile-writing is rife with moral hazard.
I also think it's crazy that you are unable to adapt your profile based on who sees it. I think Match should develop a profile adapter. Like, say you like guys who are financially stable. But you are willing to date a poor guy, if and only if (IFF) he is super hot. The way the profile adapter would work is like this: Men with incomes above a certain range could see a profile stating that you prefer men who are financially secure. This profile would also be shown to men with lower incomes who are not hot, so they know you aren't interested. BUT...if there's a super hot guy with a low income, they see a different profile that says something like "Money is not important. It's the everyday joys, like working out and teeth-whitening, that give meaning to my life." Am I brilliant or what? I think something like this would more accurately mirror the tradeoffs that we all make in real life.
What really blows my mind about Match is that separating the wheat from the chaff is far too easy. Before I did my research, I thought that it would be too difficult to vet people online because people would only post uber-flattering (and unrealistic) photos of themselves, and/or present only their best qualities in their profiles.
But my goodness. I'm shocked that people's "flattering" photos of themselves or self-descriptions in their profiles are just so profoundly awful, they make vetting easy! I have seen pictures of men at ComiCon standing next to Wookies. And a man pretending to get his hand stuck in a mailbox. And men wearing weird costumes. Even a picture of a dude with a felt hamburger. The problem with these photos is that it's really hard to tell whether these guys are serious, or whether they're self-mocking and trying to be ironic/funny. The worst photos, though, are the ones that are obviously "glamour shots." My favorites are the pictures of people who look overly posed as they look out into the distance, and the self-conscious shots of shirtless guys/women in bikinis. I also love the classic Asian style glamour shots that look like they were taken through Barbara Walters' filtered lens.
The profiles are also embarrassing to see. One would think that, to put one's best foot forward, one would be concerned with things like grammar and spelling. Oh no. I have occasionally been called a Grammar Nazi. And I must confess that the following are deal-breakers for me and would basically eliminate 60-70 percent of the Match.com population:
1. Not knowing the difference between "it's" and "its"
2. Not knowing the difference between "they're", "their" and "there"
3. Not knowing the difference between "your" and "you're"
4. Not knowing the difference between "too", "two" and "to"
5. Using pronouns incorrectly (including using "myself" inappropriately in a non-reflexive context...my biggest pet peeve!) Please see pronoun usage guidelines at the hilarious post here.
6. Misspellings in general
I am willing to gracefully forgive split infinitives and usage of the passive voice (look at me commit both of these errors in this sentence). Not deal breakers for me. But are they red flags? I won't lie and say no.
And just so you don't think I'm holier-than-thou, I will admit to you that I only recently began to understand the rules of proper apostrophes (I was very confused about how to create a possessive from something ending with an "s"). Am I Kris' wife or Kris's wife? It turns out I am only Kris' wife. Who knew? It was a mystery for the ages.
I also went through a weird period of time (circa 2001) where I thought "weird" was spelled "wierd." Weird!
I've been thinking of setting up my own Match profile, just for fun. It wouldn't even have to be my profile...I could make one up! What I love about this idea is that I wouldn't be invested in the process because I wouldn't really be looking. I would just use the profile to do a little smack-talking and provide others with unsolicited advice to help them improve their profiles. I would send emails like this:
"Dude. What up with the overly-coiffed hair? You should seriously rethink that."
Or:
"Maybe you shouldn't mention your love of Segways. I'm just sayin'..."
As a serial monogamist (N=2), I have never been a member of the "dating scene". Which is why I take particular pleasure in the dating lives of others. I live vicariously. I'm like the kid who grows up in a sugar-free house and has an unhealthy obsession with candy stores.
My consultancy services (solicited or unsolicited) are always available for people needing help with their Match or e-Harmony profiles, or for setting up random people I know. My successes include (1) Maryn and Brian, (2) a few random drunken hookups (you know who you are), and (3) helping Miguel with his Match profile, which resulted in his current relationship. Go me! (I won't mention my "failures" here...I prefer to emphasize the positive!)
I am fascinated by Match. It's so crazy how you have to set up a profile of yourself to market to the opposite sex. Talk about intimidating! The pressure to be appealing...yet come across as yourself. For me, these are basically mutually exclusive categories. If I had to set up a profile of myself, I think I would try to sound low-maintenance. HAH! Profile-writing is rife with moral hazard.
I also think it's crazy that you are unable to adapt your profile based on who sees it. I think Match should develop a profile adapter. Like, say you like guys who are financially stable. But you are willing to date a poor guy, if and only if (IFF) he is super hot. The way the profile adapter would work is like this: Men with incomes above a certain range could see a profile stating that you prefer men who are financially secure. This profile would also be shown to men with lower incomes who are not hot, so they know you aren't interested. BUT...if there's a super hot guy with a low income, they see a different profile that says something like "Money is not important. It's the everyday joys, like working out and teeth-whitening, that give meaning to my life." Am I brilliant or what? I think something like this would more accurately mirror the tradeoffs that we all make in real life.
What really blows my mind about Match is that separating the wheat from the chaff is far too easy. Before I did my research, I thought that it would be too difficult to vet people online because people would only post uber-flattering (and unrealistic) photos of themselves, and/or present only their best qualities in their profiles.
But my goodness. I'm shocked that people's "flattering" photos of themselves or self-descriptions in their profiles are just so profoundly awful, they make vetting easy! I have seen pictures of men at ComiCon standing next to Wookies. And a man pretending to get his hand stuck in a mailbox. And men wearing weird costumes. Even a picture of a dude with a felt hamburger. The problem with these photos is that it's really hard to tell whether these guys are serious, or whether they're self-mocking and trying to be ironic/funny. The worst photos, though, are the ones that are obviously "glamour shots." My favorites are the pictures of people who look overly posed as they look out into the distance, and the self-conscious shots of shirtless guys/women in bikinis. I also love the classic Asian style glamour shots that look like they were taken through Barbara Walters' filtered lens.
The profiles are also embarrassing to see. One would think that, to put one's best foot forward, one would be concerned with things like grammar and spelling. Oh no. I have occasionally been called a Grammar Nazi. And I must confess that the following are deal-breakers for me and would basically eliminate 60-70 percent of the Match.com population:
1. Not knowing the difference between "it's" and "its"
2. Not knowing the difference between "they're", "their" and "there"
3. Not knowing the difference between "your" and "you're"
4. Not knowing the difference between "too", "two" and "to"
5. Using pronouns incorrectly (including using "myself" inappropriately in a non-reflexive context...my biggest pet peeve!) Please see pronoun usage guidelines at the hilarious post here.
6. Misspellings in general
I am willing to gracefully forgive split infinitives and usage of the passive voice (look at me commit both of these errors in this sentence). Not deal breakers for me. But are they red flags? I won't lie and say no.
And just so you don't think I'm holier-than-thou, I will admit to you that I only recently began to understand the rules of proper apostrophes (I was very confused about how to create a possessive from something ending with an "s"). Am I Kris' wife or Kris's wife? It turns out I am only Kris' wife. Who knew? It was a mystery for the ages.
I also went through a weird period of time (circa 2001) where I thought "weird" was spelled "wierd." Weird!
I've been thinking of setting up my own Match profile, just for fun. It wouldn't even have to be my profile...I could make one up! What I love about this idea is that I wouldn't be invested in the process because I wouldn't really be looking. I would just use the profile to do a little smack-talking and provide others with unsolicited advice to help them improve their profiles. I would send emails like this:
"Dude. What up with the overly-coiffed hair? You should seriously rethink that."
Or:
"Maybe you shouldn't mention your love of Segways. I'm just sayin'..."
Dear Ashlyn, please stop stealing my gig.
Posted by
Anonymous |
November 20, 2008 at 9:58 AM
Hey Ash - Weren't you the genius who hooked up my husband with his neurotic ended-up-in-the-crazy-house ex girlfriend?? I'd love to "here" more about your other success stories... :P
Posted by
Mishy |
November 20, 2008 at 7:16 PM