The End of Maternity Leave
On Thursday, I returned to work full time after an incredibly short six-week maternity leave. I honestly don't feel that I had much of a break from work, especially because I was doing some work the entire time anyway. The most difficult part was finishing and submitting an NSF grant when Saya was two weeks old. I was really anxious and even though my co-authors did the majority of the work, it took a lot of time and energy, and I felt totally exhausted and overwhelmed. After that, I probably only put in about ten hours of work per week, but I found it difficult to carve out the time I needed. I would sit down to write an email and there would be a poop explosion or Saya would need feeding. Everything seemed broken out into ten or fifteen minute increments.
It was (and is) difficult for me to adjust to breastfeeding. Not from a physical standpoint - I was very lucky and breastfeeding was a breeze from the beginning. But it's very difficult to adjust to such a huge demand on my time. It's a total time suck (pun intended). When I don't feel any time demands, I really enjoy the bonding experience and love the closeness. When I feel like I need to be working or doing something else, I find it frustrating.
I think the weird thing about breastfeeding is that it's an incredibly passive activity, but it prevents you from doing almost anything else. I've never taken part of any productive activity that involves just sitting there like that. So it's hard not to feel lazy/guilty when I am just sitting on the couch for 45 minutes at a time, asking Kris to bring me food, water, my cell phone, etc. (especially when this happens about five times a day). I can't type or work while breastfeeding since one or both of my hands is occupied, so I usually end up reading things online. When I feel too busy to breastfeed, I pull her off too quickly. This just compounds the issue because it results in her needing to feed more frequently.
The greatest and worst thing about my job is that I can work from home nearly all of the time, so I can breastfeed when I need to and spend time with Saya. While I'm grateful that I can stay home (especially since we can't afford childcare), it's incredibly difficult trying to put in a full day's work.
Kris also works from home for the majority of the time, so we're trading off with childcare responsibilities when we can. He's been amazing and supportive through the transition, comforting Saya when I try to do work and doing almost all of our cooking. We're also trying to chart Saya's naps to see whether we can settle into a predictable routine while working at home. We're also trying to get Saya to bottle feed the milk that I pump so that Kris can feed her when I'm working. It's more difficult than we anticipated...especially when she sees that I'm around and gets cranky that I'm not feeding her.
I hate the fact that the U.S. is such a laggard when it comes to maternity leave. To quote Erin, women have been given employment opportunities without the support required to allow us to take full advantage of those opportunities. I possess all the same career ambitions and aspirations of any man. And my marriage is about as egalitarian as humanly possible. Yet, because of my physiology, I do in fact shoulder more of the burden (at least initially) in child care. And I would like to see fact reflected in our policies for working mothers. I'm not even asking for anything of Swedish socialist proportions. I'm simply asking that, rather than watching mothers struggle with unrealistic work demands during the first few months after birth, that we provided a support structure (more paid leave, etc.) that didn't force women to return to work before they were ready. I feel like our current system is set up to watch women fail. Its inflexibility contributes to perceptions that women shouldn't be treated as equals in the workplace.
Which brings me to my final point about Sarah Palin. While I'm excited that there is a female VP nomination, I have very mixed feelings about Palin. I hate her politics but am thrilled that a mother of five children managed to snag the Alaskan governorship. But I also wonder how the heck she did it, considering that she doesn't believe that women deserve any sort of differential treatment - and shouldn't expect any if they want to be treated as equals.
On the one hand, I'm impressed that Palin's been able to handle all of the responsibility. Having five children and two full-time working parents is no small task. Her story seems to prove that you can have it all. Yet I don't like the example she sets. She returned to work three days after giving birth to her son. It's almost like she's making a statement about not asking for special treatment. But the message it sends is that women have to do things like take a three-day maternity leave in order to be treated as equals. I think that's a dangerous, unrealistic and unhealthy precedent to set.
I was also talking to Gayle and Miguel about Palin's decision to take a flight from Texas to Alaska after her water broke with her last child. Flying in late term pregnancy is prohibited by most airlines for medical reasons, and doing so could place both mother and child at huge risk. Palin's decision to do so makes me question her judgment and ability to assess risk accurately.
I know it might sound sexist that I would hold a woman to a different standard than a man in this situation. But while I would also question a father's judgment if he weren't present during his child's birth, his absence would not place himself or his child at medical risk.
It was (and is) difficult for me to adjust to breastfeeding. Not from a physical standpoint - I was very lucky and breastfeeding was a breeze from the beginning. But it's very difficult to adjust to such a huge demand on my time. It's a total time suck (pun intended). When I don't feel any time demands, I really enjoy the bonding experience and love the closeness. When I feel like I need to be working or doing something else, I find it frustrating.
I think the weird thing about breastfeeding is that it's an incredibly passive activity, but it prevents you from doing almost anything else. I've never taken part of any productive activity that involves just sitting there like that. So it's hard not to feel lazy/guilty when I am just sitting on the couch for 45 minutes at a time, asking Kris to bring me food, water, my cell phone, etc. (especially when this happens about five times a day). I can't type or work while breastfeeding since one or both of my hands is occupied, so I usually end up reading things online. When I feel too busy to breastfeed, I pull her off too quickly. This just compounds the issue because it results in her needing to feed more frequently.
The greatest and worst thing about my job is that I can work from home nearly all of the time, so I can breastfeed when I need to and spend time with Saya. While I'm grateful that I can stay home (especially since we can't afford childcare), it's incredibly difficult trying to put in a full day's work.
Kris also works from home for the majority of the time, so we're trading off with childcare responsibilities when we can. He's been amazing and supportive through the transition, comforting Saya when I try to do work and doing almost all of our cooking. We're also trying to chart Saya's naps to see whether we can settle into a predictable routine while working at home. We're also trying to get Saya to bottle feed the milk that I pump so that Kris can feed her when I'm working. It's more difficult than we anticipated...especially when she sees that I'm around and gets cranky that I'm not feeding her.
I hate the fact that the U.S. is such a laggard when it comes to maternity leave. To quote Erin, women have been given employment opportunities without the support required to allow us to take full advantage of those opportunities. I possess all the same career ambitions and aspirations of any man. And my marriage is about as egalitarian as humanly possible. Yet, because of my physiology, I do in fact shoulder more of the burden (at least initially) in child care. And I would like to see fact reflected in our policies for working mothers. I'm not even asking for anything of Swedish socialist proportions. I'm simply asking that, rather than watching mothers struggle with unrealistic work demands during the first few months after birth, that we provided a support structure (more paid leave, etc.) that didn't force women to return to work before they were ready. I feel like our current system is set up to watch women fail. Its inflexibility contributes to perceptions that women shouldn't be treated as equals in the workplace.
Which brings me to my final point about Sarah Palin. While I'm excited that there is a female VP nomination, I have very mixed feelings about Palin. I hate her politics but am thrilled that a mother of five children managed to snag the Alaskan governorship. But I also wonder how the heck she did it, considering that she doesn't believe that women deserve any sort of differential treatment - and shouldn't expect any if they want to be treated as equals.
On the one hand, I'm impressed that Palin's been able to handle all of the responsibility. Having five children and two full-time working parents is no small task. Her story seems to prove that you can have it all. Yet I don't like the example she sets. She returned to work three days after giving birth to her son. It's almost like she's making a statement about not asking for special treatment. But the message it sends is that women have to do things like take a three-day maternity leave in order to be treated as equals. I think that's a dangerous, unrealistic and unhealthy precedent to set.
I was also talking to Gayle and Miguel about Palin's decision to take a flight from Texas to Alaska after her water broke with her last child. Flying in late term pregnancy is prohibited by most airlines for medical reasons, and doing so could place both mother and child at huge risk. Palin's decision to do so makes me question her judgment and ability to assess risk accurately.
I know it might sound sexist that I would hold a woman to a different standard than a man in this situation. But while I would also question a father's judgment if he weren't present during his child's birth, his absence would not place himself or his child at medical risk.
AMEN! I concur whole-heartedly. You've inspired me to write a blog about Palin now b/c I've had some issues with her as well. I just wanted to offer, though, to be patient and get Saya on to the bottle too - it will simplify your life. She'll be very resistant at first, but she will transition over eventually...I promise!! :)
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September 8, 2008 at 9:18 AM