Daycare Drama and Yellow Peril in Bloomington
There were a few interesting things that happened during our trip to Bloomington.
First, we observed daycare facilities. I felt like I was flying blind because I have no idea what to look for in a day care. Fortunately, we realized really quickly that there are clear winners and losers. The first daycare place we visited was terrible. The director forgot about our appointment (which I'd only confirmed twice in the last three days) and wasn't there. The rooms were dirty and there was baby food smeared on the floors in some rooms. The caretakers walked in socks (I guess this is standard in infant care rooms) but some were in bare feet. It grossed me out because the floors were really dirty to begin with.
I consider myself to be a pretty chill mom. I let Saya play with just about anything, put most things in her mouth, and let other people hold her. When an airline stewardess handed Saya a cup filled with peanuts to play with, did I freak out about potential allergies? No. But I do like to think that, despite the lack of cleanliness and order in my home, I have some basic standards.
In the toddler room, a little girl (maybe 2-3 years old) was wearing one of those snowsuit jumpers...with nothing on underneath. OK, cool. The jumper was pulled down around her mid-thigh, exposing her private parts to the entire room. Ok, cool. But then...this girl started playing with herself. I'm not talking an absent-minded brush with her private areas. I am talking about full-on digging around. A major excavation was taking place. She was All. Up. In. There. Then: hands in mouth, hands on other kids, hands on everything around the room.
Kris and I watched this little play unfold. We were confused. The daycare supervisors seemed completely oblivious. It was kind of impossible not to notice what was going on. I guess I was glad they didn't yell "BAD!!! DIRTY GIRL!!!" at her or something like that. But sheesh...call me crazy, call me old-fashioned...but um, maybe, just maybe, you might want to encourage her to at least wash her hands?
Finally, one of the supervisors seemed to notice our horror. She scooped up the little girl and gave her some kisses (the whole time, I'm thinking ewwww, wash her hands first!) and then tried to lovingly talk her into putting on some underwear. I thought "THIS is daycare?!"
I was thinking it was time to seriously re-norm my expectations, but fortunately, the next daycare we observed was completely different - clean, and totally awesome. We fell in love with the director, and the facilities are amazing. Now we're just crossing our fingers that Saya will be placed there - right now, we're 12th on the wait list.
We also got a sneak preview of "Life as an Asian" in Bloomington. I guess I just had no concept of what it would be like living in an area with so few Asians. People are nice - we didn't encounter any blatant racism - but there is a clear lack of exposure to diversity, and some of the comments we heard were kind of unsettling. I mean, people seem to be benignly ignorant, or just curious. But the comments made me feel like an "other" for the first time in my life.
In Bloomington, Asians are the smallest minority group (2 percent of the population) - in fact, there are more Native Americans in Bloomington than Asians. Also, most of the Asians are international graduate students and professors from Asia, rather than Asian Americans. For the most part, there isn't really an understanding of Asian America, or a community there. I've been thinking a lot about the comments I heard last week, and thinking about potential responses. When we move there, I want to be very conscious about celebrating Saya's diversity and bringing awareness to the community. And I want to find healthy, positive ways of making people aware of the comments they make, rather than feeling like I have to just sit back and take it.
At the end of my first trip to Bloomington last year, I got a pedicure at the Indianapolis airport. I was chatting away with the pedicurist, and voiced my concerns about the lack of diversity in Indiana. I told her I was afraid to move somewhere where so few people look like me. Her response? "We have PLENTY of you people." Well! I had no idea what to say. "Oops, I didn't realize y'all met your quota?!" I dunno. It's just one of those comments that's difficult to respond to. You don't want to be rude, because maybe she didn't understand how her words came across. But you also don't really want to let it slide, either.
This trip, we experienced several more weird comments. The sheer number of comments over the four day trip left me a little unsettled.
Incident 1
While viewing a rental property, the manager tells us about a great daycare facility and how one of the caretakers is "the nicest Indian woman"...so nice, in fact, that he wishes he could adopt her. We weren't really sure why her ethnicity was relevant here. Would he have bothered to mention her ethnicity if she were white? Don't think so.
Incident 2
While visiting the daycare facility described above, I comment that I'm pleasantly surprised by the diversity in the infant room (four of the eight babies are racial or ethnic minorities). I'm told proudly by the caretakers that one baby is "Mandarin-American" (funny - I didn't know that was an ethnicity). Another caretaker is "surprised" that one of the other little boys doesn't think I'm his mommy - because he gets excited every time he sees "an Asian lady walking by". And, guess what? As a matter of fact, I look just like his mommy! Go figure. To prove the breadth of diversity, one of the caretakers mentions that she's half Jewish, but sure is glad that she (and I quote) "doesn't have a huge messed-up nose." Hmmm.
Incident 3
While visiting a different daycare, a caretaker asks us about Saya's name. I told her that it is a Japanese name and was about to explain the meaning when she gleefully announced "I can tell that you're from Japan!" I weakly responded in a small whisper that I'm not actually from Japan.
Incident 4
While at my new colleague's house for dinner (incidentally, she and her husband are both Asian-American), she recounts how neighbors don't realize that she's Asian, because she is a native English-speaker. Which might explain why one of her neighbors loudly complained to her about their other Asian-immigrant neighbors, saying "I don't know why these ASIANS cut their lawn so short. These ASIANS are just so obsessed with cutting their lawns!"
Incident 5
On our last day in Bloomington, the managers at our B&B asked us if we'd found a place to rent. We told them we'd found a place but weren't totally thrilled with it. One manager asked us if we'd looked at apartments, and I told her no, because I didn't want to be in undergraduate housing. This is what she said: "Well, actually, there are a few apartments with those - and I don't know the right term for them, but - those ASIANS, you know? And they tend to be more quiet." I was like, "Oh..."
Watch out, Bloomington. Yellow Peril is comin' to getcha.
And EDUCATE you.
And REGULATE you.
In a quiet, unobtrusive kind of way, of course...
First, we observed daycare facilities. I felt like I was flying blind because I have no idea what to look for in a day care. Fortunately, we realized really quickly that there are clear winners and losers. The first daycare place we visited was terrible. The director forgot about our appointment (which I'd only confirmed twice in the last three days) and wasn't there. The rooms were dirty and there was baby food smeared on the floors in some rooms. The caretakers walked in socks (I guess this is standard in infant care rooms) but some were in bare feet. It grossed me out because the floors were really dirty to begin with.
I consider myself to be a pretty chill mom. I let Saya play with just about anything, put most things in her mouth, and let other people hold her. When an airline stewardess handed Saya a cup filled with peanuts to play with, did I freak out about potential allergies? No. But I do like to think that, despite the lack of cleanliness and order in my home, I have some basic standards.
In the toddler room, a little girl (maybe 2-3 years old) was wearing one of those snowsuit jumpers...with nothing on underneath. OK, cool. The jumper was pulled down around her mid-thigh, exposing her private parts to the entire room. Ok, cool. But then...this girl started playing with herself. I'm not talking an absent-minded brush with her private areas. I am talking about full-on digging around. A major excavation was taking place. She was All. Up. In. There. Then: hands in mouth, hands on other kids, hands on everything around the room.
Kris and I watched this little play unfold. We were confused. The daycare supervisors seemed completely oblivious. It was kind of impossible not to notice what was going on. I guess I was glad they didn't yell "BAD!!! DIRTY GIRL!!!" at her or something like that. But sheesh...call me crazy, call me old-fashioned...but um, maybe, just maybe, you might want to encourage her to at least wash her hands?
Finally, one of the supervisors seemed to notice our horror. She scooped up the little girl and gave her some kisses (the whole time, I'm thinking ewwww, wash her hands first!) and then tried to lovingly talk her into putting on some underwear. I thought "THIS is daycare?!"
I was thinking it was time to seriously re-norm my expectations, but fortunately, the next daycare we observed was completely different - clean, and totally awesome. We fell in love with the director, and the facilities are amazing. Now we're just crossing our fingers that Saya will be placed there - right now, we're 12th on the wait list.
We also got a sneak preview of "Life as an Asian" in Bloomington. I guess I just had no concept of what it would be like living in an area with so few Asians. People are nice - we didn't encounter any blatant racism - but there is a clear lack of exposure to diversity, and some of the comments we heard were kind of unsettling. I mean, people seem to be benignly ignorant, or just curious. But the comments made me feel like an "other" for the first time in my life.
In Bloomington, Asians are the smallest minority group (2 percent of the population) - in fact, there are more Native Americans in Bloomington than Asians. Also, most of the Asians are international graduate students and professors from Asia, rather than Asian Americans. For the most part, there isn't really an understanding of Asian America, or a community there. I've been thinking a lot about the comments I heard last week, and thinking about potential responses. When we move there, I want to be very conscious about celebrating Saya's diversity and bringing awareness to the community. And I want to find healthy, positive ways of making people aware of the comments they make, rather than feeling like I have to just sit back and take it.
At the end of my first trip to Bloomington last year, I got a pedicure at the Indianapolis airport. I was chatting away with the pedicurist, and voiced my concerns about the lack of diversity in Indiana. I told her I was afraid to move somewhere where so few people look like me. Her response? "We have PLENTY of you people." Well! I had no idea what to say. "Oops, I didn't realize y'all met your quota?!" I dunno. It's just one of those comments that's difficult to respond to. You don't want to be rude, because maybe she didn't understand how her words came across. But you also don't really want to let it slide, either.
This trip, we experienced several more weird comments. The sheer number of comments over the four day trip left me a little unsettled.
Incident 1
While viewing a rental property, the manager tells us about a great daycare facility and how one of the caretakers is "the nicest Indian woman"...so nice, in fact, that he wishes he could adopt her. We weren't really sure why her ethnicity was relevant here. Would he have bothered to mention her ethnicity if she were white? Don't think so.
Incident 2
While visiting the daycare facility described above, I comment that I'm pleasantly surprised by the diversity in the infant room (four of the eight babies are racial or ethnic minorities). I'm told proudly by the caretakers that one baby is "Mandarin-American" (funny - I didn't know that was an ethnicity). Another caretaker is "surprised" that one of the other little boys doesn't think I'm his mommy - because he gets excited every time he sees "an Asian lady walking by". And, guess what? As a matter of fact, I look just like his mommy! Go figure. To prove the breadth of diversity, one of the caretakers mentions that she's half Jewish, but sure is glad that she (and I quote) "doesn't have a huge messed-up nose." Hmmm.
Incident 3
While visiting a different daycare, a caretaker asks us about Saya's name. I told her that it is a Japanese name and was about to explain the meaning when she gleefully announced "I can tell that you're from Japan!" I weakly responded in a small whisper that I'm not actually from Japan.
Incident 4
While at my new colleague's house for dinner (incidentally, she and her husband are both Asian-American), she recounts how neighbors don't realize that she's Asian, because she is a native English-speaker. Which might explain why one of her neighbors loudly complained to her about their other Asian-immigrant neighbors, saying "I don't know why these ASIANS cut their lawn so short. These ASIANS are just so obsessed with cutting their lawns!"
Incident 5
On our last day in Bloomington, the managers at our B&B asked us if we'd found a place to rent. We told them we'd found a place but weren't totally thrilled with it. One manager asked us if we'd looked at apartments, and I told her no, because I didn't want to be in undergraduate housing. This is what she said: "Well, actually, there are a few apartments with those - and I don't know the right term for them, but - those ASIANS, you know? And they tend to be more quiet." I was like, "Oh..."
Watch out, Bloomington. Yellow Peril is comin' to getcha.
And EDUCATE you.
And REGULATE you.
In a quiet, unobtrusive kind of way, of course...
Yikes. I'm afraid for you. Or them...when all else fails, just stick your little arm out and scream, "I'm an American, you....!!"
Posted by
Maryn |
February 13, 2009 at 9:56 PM
Oh my God. I mean, I didn't think Bloomington was the culture capital of the world or anything, but STILL!!! At the very least, I'm sure will make for some very interesting blogs soon... yikes!
Posted by
Mishy |
February 14, 2009 at 4:55 PM