The Heusens

There are a few things I try not to think about. Otherwise I start obsessing and they drive me crazy.

Everyone is a little OCD about a few things. I am totally OCD about cleaning my ears and bellybutton. I know, it's weird. I clean my ears every day with a Q-Tip. And when I shower, I spend a lot of time making sure that all the nooks and crannies in my ears are squeaky clean.

A few months after I first met Kris, he told me about a "weirdo" friend of his who obsessively cleaned his ears every day. In a small voice I asked "what's wrong with that?"

Last year, I somehow became convinced that maybe I had some earwax deep down in my ear. I blame this on Oprah, because she had Dr. Oz on as a guest and he said that using a Q-Tip would actually pack all the earwax down into your ear. So I had a doctor check on it during my annual physical. She said I had absolutely no wax at all in either ear. So I was relieved.

The other thing I should mention is that the concept of ear coning is extremely appealing to an ear-obsesser like me. However, I have determined (after extensive online research) that sticking a cone into your ear and lighting it on fire does not actually (as claimed by some websites) "suck out the impurities that are attached to the neurons in your ear."

Onward.

My bellybutton is, unfortunately, a black hole. Kris has already elaborated about it in an earlier post. But let me explain. I have never seen the bottom of my bellybutton...not even when I was nine months pregnant. Think about that. Isn't it kind of creepy...to not know where the bottom is? On top of that, it feels weird if you poke it, making bellybutton explorations even more creepy and weird. Because I could never see the bottom, I've been obsessed with keeping it clean. I always kinda dig around in there with a Q-tip, even though it feels creepy and weird.

My bellybutton got even more weird after I had an appendectomy, where the surgery is performed through the bellybutton. Now it is a scarred bottomless pit. While I was pregnant, I found this little black thing in it and couldn't get it out. It was deep, deep, deep in my bellybutton. And I obsessed over it for days because I couldn't figure out how to get it out. Finally I got it out. I won't disclose the method I used (gross) or what I found (gross) but let's just say that it sufficiently grossed out a few people (although, to Marsha's credit, she "really enjoyed" the story). Now my bellybutton is even deeper than before. Agggghhhh!

Now I am experiencing OCD by proxy. I am obsessing over Saya's ears and bellybutton. Part of me feels justified because of my ape roots. My logic goes like this: "Oh, I'm not a weirdo! I'm just giving into the natural tendencies of our ape predecessors to pick and pick and pick at things!" Other times I just feel bad for her.

Part of the problem is that babies do seem to have a lot of earwax. And I stare directly down into her earholes when she is breastfeeding...like eight times a day. She used to have this little whitehead thing in one of her ears and I swear...it was all I could do not to try to poke at it until it went away. Kris tells me not to worry about her ears because they are "self-cleaning"...but if they are, then why the heck is there all that wax?

Also...there is umbilical residue in her bellybutton still. Apparently, it's not ready to come out. Because...I've tried to get it out. And it is like "hell no, we won't go." I would like to mention that I do not keep picking when Saya expresses discomfort. What do you think I am, a monster?

I try not to think about these things too much. Because it (1) makes me think about it even more and (2) makes me think I am just a little bit crazy.

Please leave me a comment and tell me how you're crazy too.

Posted by Ashlyn on Wednesday, October 22, 2008 at 1:07 AM | Permalink